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lacanteen

Random thoughts

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With some people, it's immediately obvious that their gene pool is one of them above ground ones.

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When a woman says “5 minutes”, think 5 minutes left in the fourth quarter of a football game and both teams still have all their timeouts.

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Optimism: Realizing that you are closer to being a millionaire than Bill Gates.

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The difficulty of holding in your pee is inversely proportionate to the distance between you and the toilet.

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Birthdays are only really fun when your under 25 or over 80.

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Once you realize you don't need a special occasion to buy a cake, adulthood officially has kicked in.

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2 minutes ago, lacanteen said:

Once you realize you don't need a special occasion to buy a cake, adulthood officially has kicked in.

And obesity. 

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Some people never realize that in some arguments the best way to win is to not participate.

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tumblr_nfxswjE5zc1rhpn4yo1_400.jpg

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My GPS shows "time to arrival". I see "time to beat".

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If at first you don't succeed, try two more times so that your failure is statistically significant.

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Why do people spend $1.89 for a bookmark when they can just use a dollar bill as a bookmark?

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You never actually clean up a mess, you simply relocate it somewhere else.

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40 years ago parents would punish their kids by not letting them go outside. Now parents punish their kids by making them go outside.

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Pop-ups with ads have been replaced by pop-ups telling you to stop blocking pop-ups.

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Failure is spelling a word so badly that there are no spelling suggestions.

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5 hours ago, lacanteen said:

Failure is spelling a word so badly that there are no spelling suggestions.

Wvifhahdj?

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Trans women are x-men.

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Drinking an energy drink and doing nothing boosts a person’s laziness

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The idea of money not being able to buy happiness is a lie because you can buy a dog.

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We laugh at big dogs that are afraid of small dogs, then freak out and run away whenever there is a bee around.

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If a business has invested in a permanent “Now Hiring” sign, you probably don’t want to work there.

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We are lucky that for the most part, we can control our farts.

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When someone asks you “what do you do for a living”, they’re calculating how much respect they gotta give you.

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