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lacanteen

Random thoughts

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Life hack: If your palm itches, you're going to get something. If your crotch itches, you already have it. 

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If snails are so slow why don't we ever see them arriving? It's always...BOOM!.........there's a snail.

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Income tax: The fine you pay for being productive.

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"Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you're alive, it isn't."- Richard Bach 

 

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The inventor of the 'anagram' died this week. May he 'erect a penis'.

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We have been catching fish the same way for centuries and they have yet to figure it out.

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I have learned that women don't fart. Apparently they shoot tiny puffs of fairy dust that smell like a unicorn baby. 

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c48b0ac14e6b06c93c98bdf972ec958b918e2db4

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Amen, brother.  The world is pitiful now.

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When we are children we play with imaginary friends. When we are adults we battle imaginary enemies.

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Some folks just need a simple hug................around the neck.....................................with a rope.

How's your Tuesday?
 

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Quitting is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
-Lou Holtz

 

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I think I'm losing my mind, but as long as the part that tells me I have to pee works, I should be fine.

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The biggest lie we all tell ourselves is "no need to write that down, I'll remember it."

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For the first 18 years of life, your body is under full warranty. If you get broken, the people that made you have to pay for repairs.

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A fingerprint next to a tree stump. Coincidence?

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For most of us, 2019 will be the last year ending with "teen" that we will ever experience fort he rest of our lives. 

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-Butt and booty are synonyms.
-Dial and call are synonyms.
-However, 'butt dial' and 'booty call' are two very different things.

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Whatever you're doing today, do it with the confidence of a 4 year old wearing a batman shirt.

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When women dress in bikinis, 90% of their body is exposed. Men are so polite we only look at the covered parts.

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11 hours ago, lacanteen said:

When women dress in bikinis, 90% of their body is exposed. Men are so polite we only look at the covered parts.

A woman buying a bikini for her daughter is naïve.

A man buying a bikini for his daughter is a fool.

At best.

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