The Mage Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 8 hours ago, lacanteen said: Someone needs to invent a microwave which scans the barcode of your food and cooks it the way it's supposed to be cooked. Do you know how many McDonald's employees would be put out of business? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted May 25, 2020 Author Share Posted May 25, 2020 Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted May 27, 2020 Author Share Posted May 27, 2020 The dumbest thing we all did as a kid was wish we were an adult. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted May 28, 2020 Author Share Posted May 28, 2020 We all owe 2019 a sincere apology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted May 29, 2020 Author Share Posted May 29, 2020 Everyone says we should follow our dreams, so I'm going back to bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted May 30, 2020 Author Share Posted May 30, 2020 Nothing disappoints more than carefully choosing the last bite from a meal and then realizing that it was not as tender as its appearance led you to believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted May 31, 2020 Author Share Posted May 31, 2020 Zero g unlocks the possibility for double sided pizza. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 FYI - You pee on a Jelly Fish sting not a jelly stain. Again, my apologies to the lady at the Waffle House. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orsd Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 6 hours ago, lacanteen said: FYI - You pee on a Jelly Fish sting not a jelly stain. Again, my apologies to the lady at the Waffle House. Still probably the most normal thing they’ll see all day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 2, 2020 Author Share Posted June 2, 2020 I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 3, 2020 Author Share Posted June 3, 2020 True betrayal is the sudden urge to take a dump immediately after showering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 4, 2020 Author Share Posted June 4, 2020 The scariest part about explosives isn't when they go off, its when they don't go off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 5, 2020 Author Share Posted June 5, 2020 Maybe the urinals were invented when a tall guy walked by a sink and thought "why not?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 6, 2020 Author Share Posted June 6, 2020 Whoever is deciding the ratio of the size of a jar of salsa to the size of a bag of tortilla chips is way off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 Nothing will make you feel older than when events you've experienced begin appearing in history books Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 8, 2020 Author Share Posted June 8, 2020 You might actually be the dumbest person someone knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 9, 2020 Author Share Posted June 9, 2020 You'd be really motivated if the weight you lost went to someone you don't like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 10, 2020 Author Share Posted June 10, 2020 My psychiatrist said that I am a kleptomaniac. So I asked, "is there anything I can take for that?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 11, 2020 Author Share Posted June 11, 2020 The most effective diet is having a pretty girl move in next door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 12, 2020 Author Share Posted June 12, 2020 There's probably TONS of really good aged wine at the bottom of the ocean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 14, 2020 Author Share Posted June 14, 2020 In life, there is a balance between living in a sunny place and living in a place where you have to check your shoes for scorpions/spiders every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 15, 2020 Author Share Posted June 15, 2020 If you’re alive in your 50’s you’re considered old, but if you die in you’re 50’s you’re considered young Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 16, 2020 Author Share Posted June 16, 2020 Fish never have to worry about tripping and falling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 17, 2020 Author Share Posted June 17, 2020 Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 18, 2020 Author Share Posted June 18, 2020 Eating a batch of fried mozzarella sticks is much more socially acceptable than a whole handful of regular string cheese sticks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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