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lacanteen

Random thoughts

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8 hours ago, lacanteen said:

Someone needs to invent a microwave which scans the barcode of your food and cooks it the way it's supposed to be cooked.

Do you know how many McDonald's employees would be put out of business?

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Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.

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The dumbest thing we all did as a kid was wish we were an adult.

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We all owe 2019 a sincere apology.

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Everyone says we should follow our dreams, so I'm going back to bed.

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Nothing disappoints more than carefully choosing the last bite from a meal and then realizing that it was not as tender as its appearance led you to believe.

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Zero g unlocks the possibility for double sided pizza.

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FYI - You pee on a Jelly Fish sting not a jelly stain.

Again, my apologies to the lady at the Waffle House.

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6 hours ago, lacanteen said:

FYI - You pee on a Jelly Fish sting not a jelly stain.

Again, my apologies to the lady at the Waffle House.

Still probably the most normal thing they’ll see all day. 

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I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work. :(

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True betrayal is the sudden urge to take a dump immediately after showering.

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The scariest part about explosives isn't when they go off, its when they don't go off.

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Maybe the urinals were invented when a tall guy walked by a sink and thought "why not?".

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Whoever is deciding the ratio of the size of a jar of salsa to the size of a bag of tortilla chips is way off.

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Nothing will make you feel older than when events you've experienced begin appearing in history books

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You might actually be the dumbest person someone knows.

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You'd be really motivated if the weight you lost went to someone you don't like.

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My psychiatrist said that I am a kleptomaniac. So I asked, "is there anything I can take for that?"

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The most effective diet is having a pretty girl move in next door.

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There's probably TONS of really good aged wine at the bottom of the ocean.

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In life, there is a balance between living in a sunny place and living in a place where you have to check your shoes for scorpions/spiders every day.

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If you’re alive in your 50’s you’re considered old, but if you die in you’re 50’s you’re considered young

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Fish never have to worry about tripping and falling.

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Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation. 

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Eating a batch of fried mozzarella sticks is much more socially acceptable than a whole handful of regular string cheese sticks.

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