lacanteen Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 If you give a man a broom he’ll clean for a few minutes, give him a pressure washer he’ll clean forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 1 fly flies, yet 2 flies fly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 22, 2020 Author Share Posted June 22, 2020 The iPhone calculator has the same color scheme as Pornhub. I only know that because a friend told me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 Auto correct is that kid in the class the confidently yells out wrong answers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 In cartoon universes, race cars have an extra gear that only becomes available when the driver becomes more determined. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 25, 2020 Author Share Posted June 25, 2020 Cashews fished out of a can of mixed nuts taste better and are more appealing than cashews taken from a can of just cashews. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 26, 2020 Author Share Posted June 26, 2020 Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes, that's boring. Try spending 30 minutes in my mind, that'll freak you out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 27, 2020 Author Share Posted June 27, 2020 The first step of being stupid is thinking you're intelligent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngryChris Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 4 hours ago, lacanteen said: The first step of being stupid is thinking you're intelligent. But I'm intelligent!!.… wait a minute... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 28, 2020 Author Share Posted June 28, 2020 It’s either Arkansas or Kansas that is pronouncing their state correctly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 29, 2020 Author Share Posted June 29, 2020 Go to the animal shelter to get a new pet, you're a saint. Go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their minds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted June 30, 2020 Author Share Posted June 30, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted July 1, 2020 Author Share Posted July 1, 2020 If we made our shoelaces out of headphone wires they would always tie themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted July 2, 2020 Author Share Posted July 2, 2020 Everybody, as a child, had that fantasy of stopping time and just walking around doing things, whether it be at school or at a store. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted July 3, 2020 Author Share Posted July 3, 2020 The easiest way to turn your sofa into a bed is to forget your wife's birthday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mage Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 26 minutes ago, lacanteen said: The easiest way to turn your sofa into a bed is to forget your wife's birthday. Convince her that you aren't recognizing that she is getting any older, and by forgetting her birthday, she doesn't have to add to her age that year. Win - win. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted July 5, 2020 Author Share Posted July 5, 2020 Dropping a cup of coffee will wake you up more than drinking it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted July 6, 2020 Author Share Posted July 6, 2020 If you think you’re ugly, maybe you aren’t your type. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted July 7, 2020 Author Share Posted July 7, 2020 In college if you major in philosophy with a minor in economics, you’ll be unemployed but you’ll also understand why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted July 8, 2020 Author Share Posted July 8, 2020 What would thunder sound like if our atmosphere was made up of helium? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted July 9, 2020 Author Share Posted July 9, 2020 It must be absolute hell to be a pilot named Roger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mage Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 Yesterday I put on something I hadn't worn in at least 5 years and it fit perfectly! It was a hat, but hey, you gotta start somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted July 13, 2020 Author Share Posted July 13, 2020 The reason most people think raising boys is easier than raising girls is that they don't raise their boys. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lacanteen Posted July 14, 2020 Author Share Posted July 14, 2020 Before this is over, some dumb golpher will get a tattoo of a face mask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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