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lacanteen

Random thoughts

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If you give a man a broom he’ll clean for a few minutes, give him a pressure washer he’ll clean forever.

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1 fly flies, yet 2 flies fly.

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The iPhone calculator has the same color scheme as Pornhub. I only know that because a friend told me. :rolleyes:

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Auto correct is that kid in the class the confidently yells out wrong answers.

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In cartoon universes, race cars have an extra gear that only becomes available when the driver becomes more determined.

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Cashews fished out of a can of mixed nuts taste better and are more appealing than cashews taken from a can of just cashews.

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Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes, that's boring. Try spending 30 minutes in my mind, that'll freak you out.

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The first step of being stupid is thinking you're intelligent.

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4 hours ago, lacanteen said:

The first step of being stupid is thinking you're intelligent.

But I'm intelligent!!.… wait a minute...

  • Haha 1

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It’s either Arkansas or Kansas that is pronouncing their state correctly.

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Go to the animal shelter to get a new pet, you're a saint. Go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their minds.

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ad3e88d23638e3edc46eea626682cb23cc17e3e6

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If we made our shoelaces out of headphone wires they would always tie themselves.

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Everybody, as a child, had that fantasy of stopping time and just walking around doing things, whether it be at school or at a store.

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The easiest way to turn your sofa into a bed is to forget your wife's birthday.

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26 minutes ago, lacanteen said:

The easiest way to turn your sofa into a bed is to forget your wife's birthday.

Convince her that you aren't recognizing that she is getting any older, and by forgetting her birthday, she doesn't have to add to her age that year.

Win - win.

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Dropping a cup of coffee will wake you up more than drinking it.

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If you think you’re ugly, maybe you aren’t your type.

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In college if you major in philosophy with a minor in economics, you’ll be unemployed but you’ll also understand why.

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What would thunder sound like if our atmosphere was made up of helium?

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It must be absolute hell to be a pilot named Roger.

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Roger-Roger.jpg

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Yesterday I put on something I hadn't worn in at least 5 years and it fit perfectly! It was a hat, but hey, you gotta start somewhere. 

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The reason most people think raising boys is easier than raising girls is that they don't raise their boys.

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Before this is over, some dumb golpher will get a tattoo of a face mask.

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