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lacanteen

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The idea of getting a McDonald’s is way better than actually eating it.

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'Insane' is such a harsh word. I prefer 'mentally creative'.

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Ventriloquists must be fun at the dentists office.

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I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

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You aren't paid according to how hard you work, you are paid according to how hard you are to replace.

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If Donald Duck goes back in time and meets himself, would that create a Pair-O'-Ducks?

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Of all the organs that could involuntarily spasm without warning, we are extremely lucky it’s our diaphragm (Hiccups)

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Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life.

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“Old McDonald” gets a lot darker when you realize everything is past tense.

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Killing two birds with one stone never specified how many times you can throw the stone.

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You don’t realize how much you use your thumb until you have a bandaid on it.

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Chances are; The person who tells you that he'll be there in 7 minutes will arrive way before the one who'll be there in 5.

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If a girl lets you smell something, its usually gonna smell nice. If a boy does it, its usually gonna bad.

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Sometimes you wish you had a throwaway account, for real life.

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We'll throw away the leftovers from a $30 steak dinner but a $3 tube of toothpaste doesn't get chucked until every last drop of toothpaste is gone.

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S’mores but with a Reese’s cup instead of a piece of chocolate. You're welcome.

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More than often, the tags at the back of a tshirt are not used for the instructions or warnings they have, but for knowing which side is the front, and which one is the back.

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Today I got asked out by 4 women. I accidentally went into the ladies restroom.

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ab3f4ffe87605a2de21355e3f03c968f81d93ed0

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