CajunCandy Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. -Phyllis Diller Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? -Phyllis DillerCleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.-Phyllis DillerThe reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.-Phyllis DillerBest way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. -Phyllis DillerI want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. -Phyllis DillerAny time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. -Phyllis DillerWe spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up. -Phyllis DillerBurt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. -Phyllis DillerWhat I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. -Phyllis DillerThe only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. -Phyllis DillerHis finest hour lasted a minute and a half. -Phyllis DillerOld age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. -Phyllis DillerMy photographs don’t do me justice -they just look like me. -Phyllis DillerI admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. -Phyllis DillerTranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle — keep away from children. -Phyllis DillerI asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’ -Phyllis DillerThe reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing. -Phyllis DillerYou know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type. -Phyllis Diller Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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