When Your Over 80

[CajunCandy]

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business, when this 
FAT, ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're 
kind’a cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen."

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches ... But, when you’re over eighty, who cares?

*****************************

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."

Cost me a busted tooth ... But, when you’re over eighty, who cares?

*****************************

I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night. She said, "If you 
lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all 
right.”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there 
instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip ... But, when you’re over eighty, who cares?

*****************************

I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a 
woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really," she said, pushing out her ample chest with a smile, "then go 
ahead and try."

After about thirty seconds of me fondling her breasts, the woman lost 
patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday." Cost me a kick in the groin ... But, when you’re 
over eighty, who cares?

*****************************

I went to the pub last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. 
"Good legs!" I said!

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! … Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me another 6 stitches ... But, when you’re over eighty who care