If you ever felt stupid........

[mission vending]

Then read this, it'll make you feel like a genius.

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."

--A congressional candidate in Texas.

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it...."

--Al Gore, Vice President

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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

-- Dan Quayle

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

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"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?

[lurtsman]

Okay, you've got me involved.

I have a teacher this term that is extremely harsh on grammatical mistakes. He will flunk students on the grammatical portion of their score for having three mistakes that he finds.It should be noted, he absolutely hates me. Further, this school has a bad reputation with local business, whom are unimpressed with the graduates. We were asked to discuss, on a forum, the reason that the school has such a bad reputation and what they should do to fix it. Why does he hate me? I did leave that out didn't I? He hates me because he is grammatically illiterate. I don't attack people for bad grammar often. I respect that they have other things to do with their time. Is having good grammar more important than changing their babies diaper? Nope. More important than attending their son's soccer game? Nope. I respect that. However, those people should not go on a crusade telling others to improve their grammar. The following is a single sentence from his syllabus:

“Students with disabilities who need accommodations to achieve course objectives should file and accommodation application with the Learning Services, 2063 Cedar Hall (319-398-5574) as soon as possible.”

There are six grammatical mistakes in that sentence. Six. He flunks people for having THREE in an entire assignment.

For anyone who is curious, I compiled those errors for him.

Can you spot the errors? There should be a comma after disabilities, and again after objectives. The section starting with “who” and ending with “objectives” is a parenthetical phrase and should be off-set with commas. When we do not have a comma following disabilities this sentence suggests that disabilities need accommodations. People need accommodations for their disabilities. The word “and” should be replaced with “an”. The word “the” should be removed. People do not visit “the Paris”. If the department had the proper name “The Learning Services”, then “the” would need to be capitalized. Those are four relatively simple mistakes. This is where it gets more complicated. I would not expect any student to be able to recognize this. After we modify the sentence to correct the first four errors it becomes clear that we are telling students to file an application with Learning Services. In this case Learning Services is a proper noun. We are not telling students to file an application with the address of Learning Services. The correct way to introduce the address is to say, “with Learning Services at 2063...” This is correct because the word “at” introduces an address. The comma after “Learning Services” should be removed because it does not represent a line break. It can only represent a line break if Learning Services is part of the address, but it is not. If the entire address “Learning Services, 2063 Cedar Hall” must be used, then it comes after the word “at”. This edit would still leave us with six errors because it would require adding another “Learning Services”. For simplicity sake, I will show the correct formats:

“Students with disabilities, who need accommodations to achieve course objectives, should file an accommodation application with Learning Services at 2063 Cedar Hall (319-398-5574) as soon as possible.”

“Students with disabilities, who need accommodations to achieve course objectives, should file an accommodation application with Learning Services at Learning Services, 2063 Cedar Hall (319-398-5574) as soon as possible.”

I think I killed the mood of the thread. Sorry about that.

[PerformaVending]

I love that look on a teachers face when they have to break down, and say they were at fault. I had history teachers that would go after students for inaccuracies, but then miss dates, times, people, etc. Thanks Lurtsman!

Good list Mission Vending, very funny!

[lurtsman]

Here's one, though the political nature may offend some. It is not meant to be offensive, I'm an independent.

In October, he(Rick Santorum) told a Catholic university audience that when he read the 1960 speech in which John F. Kennedy said: "I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute," he "almost threw up." More recently, he elaborated on his dyspeptic condition in an ABC television interview, calling JFK's credo "an absolutist doctrine that was abhorrent at the time of 1960."

Before the Iowa Caucus I didn't think Santorum had a chance at the nomination, but now he's putting up a real battle.

[lurtsman]

Trying to attach a picture.

[lurtsman]

This video starts really weird and seems laggy. It fixes after a few seconds.

Edit: You can tell I got a great deal of my heavy deadline work done yesterday.

Is this a ninja or a peeping tom?

[AngryChris]

Trying to attach a picture.

LOL!!

You have NO idea how many times I would speak up during middle school and high school and the teachers would ask me to be quiet and that they would discuss my issue after class. After class, they would tell me something along the lines of "You are right but you are going to confuse the rest of the class."

Coincidentally, after going to college for several years... taking a break from college (ie. being a college drop-out) and finally going back, my instructors absolutely jump with joy with my engaging questions. They absolutely love my ambitious questions rather than dealing with students who just sit there taking notes all class and never grasping anything.

Did I mention, I never take notes? Well... I probably take 1/10th the amount of notes that the average student takes.. only key terms and odd words that I know I will have trouble remembering. I simply cannot afford to waste time writing notes at the cost of not really paying full attention to the lecture. Also, I hate presentations in which there is no lecture at all, I learn NOTHING.

[PerformaVending]

Did I mention, I never take notes? Well... I probably take 1/10th the amount of notes that the average student takes.. only key terms and odd words that I know I will have trouble remembering. I simply cannot afford to waste time writing notes at the cost of not really paying full attention to the lecture. Also, I hate presentations in which there is no lecture at all, I learn NOTHING.

That sums up my high school career. I would get yelled at for not taking notes, while doing well on my tests. It was explained to me that "notes are there so the teacher can gauge a student's involvement in the lecture" which never made any sense to me. How can I be engaged when I'm busy writing down everything they say. Maybe they have a deal with the notebook companies... Maybe the pen manufacturers too...

[AngryChris]

That sums up my high school career. I would get yelled at for not taking notes, while doing well on my tests. It was explained to me that "notes are there so the teacher can gauge a student's involvement in the lecture" which never made any sense to me. How can I be engaged when I'm busy writing down everything they say. Maybe they have a deal with the notebook companies... Maybe the pen manufacturers too...

I had been told the exact same thing. I have always been a very good test taker. I graduated high school with a 1.8 GPA but my average test/exam grade was probably an A or a very high B. I simply didn't do homework and missed about 15% of school due to various reasons. In college, I started off with a 3.1 GPA before taking a break. My current cumulitive gpa is a 3.2 and my GPA for my current degree program is 3.77 and I have a legit chance of increasing my GPA to a 3.8 after this term is over.

It goes to show that many teachers care little about how you learn best and care more about you copying their notes cause they feel superior. Coincidentally, they were probably avid note takers in college to get their teaching career and have always despised people that don't need to take notes.

[mission vending]

Okay, you've got me involved.

I have a teacher this term that is extremely harsh on grammatical mistakes. He will flunk students on the grammatical portion of their score for having three mistakes that he finds.It should be noted, he absolutely hates me. Further, this school has a bad reputation with local business, whom are unimpressed with the graduates. We were asked to discuss, on a forum, the reason that the school has such a bad reputation and what they should do to fix it. Why does he hate me? I did leave that out didn't I? He hates me because he is grammatically illiterate. I don't attack people for bad grammar often. I respect that they have other things to do with their time. Is having good grammar more important than changing their babies diaper? Nope. More important than attending their son's soccer game? Nope. I respect that. However, those people should not go on a crusade telling others to improve their grammar. The following is a single sentence from his syllabus:

“Students with disabilities who need accommodations to achieve course objectives should file and accommodation application with the Learning Services, 2063 Cedar Hall (319-398-5574) as soon as possible.”

There are six grammatical mistakes in that sentence. Six. He flunks people for having THREE in an entire assignment.

For anyone who is curious, I compiled those errors for him.

Can you spot the errors? There should be a comma after disabilities, and again after objectives. The section starting with “who” and ending with “objectives” is a parenthetical phrase and should be off-set with commas. When we do not have a comma following disabilities this sentence suggests that disabilities need accommodations. People need accommodations for their disabilities. The word “and” should be replaced with “an”. The word “the” should be removed. People do not visit “the Paris”. If the department had the proper name “The Learning Services”, then “the” would need to be capitalized. Those are four relatively simple mistakes. This is where it gets more complicated. I would not expect any student to be able to recognize this. After we modify the sentence to correct the first four errors it becomes clear that we are telling students to file an application with Learning Services. In this case Learning Services is a proper noun. We are not telling students to file an application with the address of Learning Services. The correct way to introduce the address is to say, “with Learning Services at 2063...” This is correct because the word “at” introduces an address. The comma after “Learning Services” should be removed because it does not represent a line break. It can only represent a line break if Learning Services is part of the address, but it is not. If the entire address “Learning Services, 2063 Cedar Hall” must be used, then it comes after the word “at”. This edit would still leave us with six errors because it would require adding another “Learning Services”. For simplicity sake, I will show the correct formats:

“Students with disabilities, who need accommodations to achieve course objectives, should file an accommodation application with Learning Services at 2063 Cedar Hall (319-398-5574) as soon as possible.”

“Students with disabilities, who need accommodations to achieve course objectives, should file an accommodation application with Learning Services at Learning Services, 2063 Cedar Hall (319-398-5574) as soon as possible.”

I think I killed the mood of the thread. Sorry about that.

Well I'm certainly glad that you got that off your chest. :

No thanks necessary, glad to help !!

[Shauna]

The word “the” should be removed. People do not visit “the Paris”.

I would have agreed with you until I moved to Tennessee. Everyone here adds "the" to proper nouns. We don't go to WalMart anymore, we go to THE WalMart. We go to THE Cracker Barrel. We go to THE Olive Garden.

For a reformed grammar nazi, some things still drive me crazy. But if I had my previous level of neurosis, I would not get out of my padded cell. Ever.

Just for giggles: Psst. The period should be within the quotation marks, not after.

[AngryChris]

I'm a reformmed grammar nazi as well. I really let myself slide a LOT on forums because I am sure that most people don't care and many more people don't even notice when I screw up! However, if there is one thing that I despise... it's when people either lack their usage of commas or don't break things down into paragraphs!!!!

[lurtsman]

I would have agreed with you until I moved to Tennessee. Everyone here adds "the" to proper nouns. We don't go to WalMart anymore, we go to THE WalMart. We go to THE Cracker Barrel. We go to THE Olive Garden.

For a reformed grammar nazi, some things still drive me crazy. But if I had my previous level of neurosis, I would not get out of my padded cell. Ever.

Just for giggles: Psst. The period should be within the quotation marks, not after.

For what it's worth, the usage of "the" there is not necessarily incorrect. It depends on if they are using the term as a proper noun. Olive Garden garden seems like a hard one to classify as anything other than a proper noun, same with Cracker Barrel. Walmart I could see being used as a generic term because there are so many ****ing walmarts. To me "walmart" is the equivilant of grocery store and has become a standard noun. If they write it down and capitalize the W then they are using a proper noun and failing at grammar. Judging by Olive Garden and Cracker Barrel, I suspect you are right.

[caserri]

Post one made me laugh. The rest of this thread just confirms my own stupidity but I'm ok with that.

Sent from my Android using Tapatalk.

[AngryChris]

Post one made me laugh. The rest of this thread just confirms my own stupidity but I'm ok with that.

Sent from my Android using Tapatalk.

lol. You're an e-ditz! Not the sharpest tool in the shed... but you get the job done!

[dogcow]

I had been told the exact same thing. I have always been a very good test taker. I graduated high school with a 1.8 GPA but my average test/exam grade was probably an A or a very high B. I simply didn't do homework and missed about 15% of school due to various reasons. In college, I started off with a 3.1 GPA before taking a break. My current cumulitive gpa is a 3.2 and my GPA for my current degree program is 3.77 and I have a legit chance of increasing my GPA to a 3.8 after this term is over.

It goes to show that many teachers care little about how you learn best and care more about you copying their notes cause they feel superior. Coincidentally, they were probably avid note takers in college to get their teaching career and have always despised people that don't need to take notes.

what the hell kind of college admitted u with a 1.8 gpa?!!

[lurtsman]

what the hell kind of college admitted u with a 1.8 gpa?!!

I had a 2.1

Now I'm getting scholarships to a decent (but nowhere near ivy league) MBA program.

[AngryChris]

what the hell kind of college admitted u with a 1.8 gpa?!!

My local community college. It's not Harvard bro! Coincidentally, some of the students who move onto universities after getting their 2-year degree from my college often due as well or better in their new university than students who have been going to that same university from the beginning! The average age of the student in my college is 27 or 28 years old... much younger than the typical 20 or 21 year old student from a typical university/college.

[lurtsman]

Grades just don't tell the whole story. The board needs to at least have a backup method like test scores. If a student is destroying the standardized test but having bad grades he (or she) may have significant issues preventing them from dealing with the homework. Often times there are home problems, or bullying issues. Many of these things disappear when the student goes to college.

[The Mage]

Grades just don't tell the whole story. The board needs to at least have a backup method like test scores. If a student is destroying the standardized test but having bad grades he (or she) may have significant issues preventing them from dealing with the homework. Often times there are home problems, or bullying issues. Many of these things disappear when the student goes to college.

There is a quote that Kiyosaki from the Rich Dad books repeats, but didn't originate.

The A students work really hard to get good grades so they can work for the C students. (Paraphrased, hence no quotes.)

I remember one quarter in high school where I didn't turn in a single piece of homework, but I passed the class because I did so well on the tests.

I had not realized I did this until the teacher gave us a report that broke down all of our grades, and all the homework on mine was incomplete. I realized this was a really bad idea.

[AngryChris]

My issues were, in fact, issues that were happening at home. These problems were resolved around 2 years after I graduated from high school.

I am absolutely convinced that if I had had been brought up in a significantly better environment, I would have been a 4.0 student in high school.

I actually had a $10,000 scholarship after graduating with my 1.8 GPA lol. That was due to my engineering tech prep course though which I put more effort into than anything else in school.

In regards to test taking... I have always been an exceptional test taker. My problem was never an issue of not being intelligent or not "studying" (although I didn't study in the most formal way... I did study in my own way) but rather, my problem was simply having too many distractions at home to do my homework!! This resulted in very bad grades...

The resolved situation is reflected on my current GPA for the degree that I am currently working on. With only 29 credit-hours completed (technically 22 but about to be 27), my GPA is going to be a 3.8+ for the degree. The funny thing is that I still don't study for exams and I average probably 88% on most major exams for real challenging courses (accounting, economics, etc...) and I turn A's on almost everything else. I even score A's in essay papers and I write them up in about 6 hours total -- from rough draft to final copy.