will.vend Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 Im not good at remembering jokes but this one sticks with me. A young man finally got up the courage to ask this pretty girl out on a date. Before picking her up he was extremely nervous and had an upset stomach. He gets to the house and her father answered the door, "come in and have a seat, shes not ready yet". So he sat down across the room from the old man so he couldnt hear his stomach, Rex the dog wandered over and sat next to him, The young man couldnt hold it any longer so he eeked one out! The old man hollered REX! the young man thought this is fantastic the old man thinks the dog is farting! so he lets out another one and boy did it stink! Again the old man hollers REX! The young man lets yet another one go thinking he's in the clear when the old man Yells, REX GET UP FROM THERE BEFORE THAT BOY SHITS ON YOU! Who's got a funny joke? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NinnJinn Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 That is Hilarious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillbilly Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 This guy goes squirrel hunting and kills 3 squirrels. On the way out of the woods a game warden stops him and searches him. He finds the squirrels. He sticks his finger in the first squirrel and smells it and says " This is a Kentucky squirrel. Lets see your Kentucky license" The hunter flips through his wallet and provides him with a Kentucky license. Game warden grabs the 2ND squirrel,sticks his finger in it and smells it, " This is a West Virginia squirrel. You got a West Virginia hunting license"? The hunter fumbles through his wallet again and shows him a West Virginia license. Game warden is getting angry now. He grabs the 3rd squirrel and does the same as the first 2. "This is a Pennsylvania squirrel. Bet you don't have a Pennsylvania license". The hunter looks in his wallet again and pulls out a Pennsylvania hunting license. The game warden is pissed now." Just where are you from buddy" The hunter drops his drawers and says " You're the expert, you tell me" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
will.vend Posted August 28, 2010 Author Share Posted August 28, 2010 The hunter drops his drawers and says " You're the expert, you tell me" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mainor5251 Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 Got a decent but don't know how far we can go with the jokes before the boss get on us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NinnJinn Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 Bought a new boom-a-rang wednesday.......spent all day thursday throwing that old one away. Here's Your sign! Thats a good one kelly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snack dude Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 Whats the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a scum sucking bottom feeding organism the others a fish My wife woke me up last night and said someone broke into the kitchen and they are eating the meatloaf we had for dinner..... I said dont worry dear we will bury him in the morning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dperry Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 One day a guy was visiting the doctor about his problem. Man: "doctor, my fart sounds like "HONDA"!!! The man proceeded to fart, and instead of the regular flatulence sound, it sounded like "HONDA". Doctor: "It's obvious you have a little abscess". Man: "How can you tell? You didn't even examine me". Doctor: "It's obvious, because everybody knows that a little .... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Doctor: "ABSCESS makes the FART go HONDA" -Enjoy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizugori Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 need some guidelines as to how far we can take this before i post anything =D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mission vending Posted December 16, 2010 Share Posted December 16, 2010 There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had "$100" in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office. Sincerely, Edna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
will.vend Posted December 16, 2010 Author Share Posted December 16, 2010 I think it might have been those bastards at the post office. Sincerely, Edna laughing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mage Posted December 16, 2010 Share Posted December 16, 2010 .... And the Talent Agent asked, "What the heck do you call an act like that?" He replied, "I call it ... The Aristocrats" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
will.vend Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 I have been having problems sleeping at night so I went to see the doctor, he prescribed viagra and a warm glass of milk at bedtime. the milk puts me to sleep and the viagra keeps me from rolling out of the bed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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